so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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