have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
