i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
