Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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