one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
