A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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