i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
