we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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