Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
