is your mom at the bar?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
