"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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