I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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