So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
