i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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