Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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