Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
