Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
