Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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