you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
