Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
