i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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