I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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