he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
