Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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