Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
