I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
