we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
