I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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