dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
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