oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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