State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
