First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
