Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize