I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
