If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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