Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
