We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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