I just saw a hot homeless man
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
