Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
