singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
