dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
