Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
