Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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