I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
