pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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