He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
