I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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