Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
