He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
