You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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