Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
