he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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