Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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