My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
