I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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