when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
