dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
