you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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