Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
there is glitter all over my balls
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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