4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
