eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
