I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
