I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
