I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
