i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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