There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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