so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I cut my penus on the lid.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
