you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize