i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize