I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
