Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
