my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize