just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
