My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
