I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He did a backflip because drugs
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
