Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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