whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
