hotel room ftw
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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