I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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