Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
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