ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize