my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
