I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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