I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
