If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
