It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
