You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize