i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
