I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
