so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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