This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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