I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
