No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
