I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
