I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
When did angry sex become our thing?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
