So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
