I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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