I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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