that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Pooping to opera.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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