My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
